viernes, mayo 15, 2015

Voices. Stigma. Love.

                       What are those voices inside our heads saying we're not worth the risk?

                                                                    Who are they?

Why does that shit happen all the time?

I know i'm worth the life i was given, but I usually forget about that. A lot. 

And then i go back to remember it all again. It's a freaking cycle. I want it to go away, for good. 

What if it never stops? What if one time i completely forget about everything I've learn in therapy and i just lose control? I can't stop thinking about that right now. And i actually hate the "what if..." questions.

Sometimes i just wanna kill everyone around me and be alone with myself and the voices that surround me. Or at least i wanna be in peace and people usually bugs me.

I'm really bitchy some other times and is actually a shield for the pain. But then i remember about all those people who bullied me so many years and i don't wanna be like them, so i stop. But is late, cause i shouldn't even be a bitch or call myself like that.

And it's funny cause what i need the most is love, but when it comes to me, i suddenly reject it and cuddle myself cause i feel like nobody would last next to me and they will abandon me, like always. 

So what is this? Why do I feel like backwards?